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About sharing image copyrightThinkstock Decades ago when gay people faced ostracism and the threat of prosecution in the UK and other Western nations, many chose to marry and disguise their sexuality. But even with increased tolerance now some choose to take the same path. Nick, who is in his 50s, has been married to his wife for 30 years. He is also gay. He thinks his wife had suspicions about his sexuality for years, but things came to a head when he had an affair with a man.

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He knew his sexuality was ambiguous but he didn't have the vocabulary to define it.

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But can he stick to that promise? Which people laugh at and it is funny now, it's really strange but I had this kind of naivety. Truthfully, I thought a gay man lived in London.

John is now married to a man who has been his partner for 23 years, but says he still finds parts of his life raw and upsetting. Do we matter to them?

He'd always felt uncertain about his sexual orientation and this troubled him more and more as he got older. You jarried away the secrecy. Nick has promised his wife that he will never again have sex or a relationship with a man - he says he owes it to her. Early on, when the sexual problems became apparent, how did you and your husband talk about them?

Men travel from around the country to attend meetings. I'm now making that choice that I would like to, in a sense, marreid celibate. Because that's part of the problem, because we're a myth, we don't exist. But why did they get married in the first place? Nick says many men who contact the website say they did so to try to "sort themselves out".

My wife wants me to have sex with her best friend!

Instead of seeing his behavior for what it is—manipulative, menacing, controlling, and cruel—you seem to idealize your lover as the source of your happiness, which indicates to me that your distorted ideas about love and connection have deep roots. She's my best friend really above all else, so we've decided we would like to remain together as best friends," he says.

He is also gay. The couple chose to stay together not for the sake of children - they don't have any - but because of their feelings for each other. I am envisioning my new life, relatively joyless, sexless, lonely, and isolated.

She told him she was disappointed that he hadn't been able to trust her enough rriends be honest with her, and that if she had known she would have accepted it. But even with increased tolerance now some choose to take the same path.

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Andy is divorcing his wife martied 30 years and four children - she has a new partner. Sexual issues can stem from so many causes: health problems, stress, poor communication, medication side effects, a history of abuse, trauma, negative body image—and all of these are tangled up with feelings a person has around wamts wanted and loved, and feeling connected to someone else.

He'd get drunk with a gay friend and, he says, "events took their course".

Anonymous Newton, Massachusetts Dear Anonymous, What strikes me most in your letter is the contradiction between the joy you say your lover brings you and your description of how he treats you. Nick, who is in his 50s, has been married to his wife for 30 years. Meanwhile, your husband may not know about your affair or he may know more than you imagine, prompting his job search across the countrybut as much as you feel his distance from you, surely he senses your distance from him.

Related Topics. Children who lack this reflection experience heartbreak and grieve alone, because the adults they would normally share their inner worlds with are the very people they feel hurt by.

Do they delight in our presence? As you think back to how these interactions went, do you feel that you were a true partner in working through this issue together, or did frlends feel so personally injured, so much like the helpless victim in this story, that you framed this as something that your husband needed to work out alone?

Marriec founder John says most of the men are older - they married women in the s and 80s when society was more hostile to gay people. We don't exist in [the] straight world. Meanwhile, in your marriage, as in many marriages that lack physical intimacy, what you see reflected back to you is likely the opposite: You feel invisible, undesired, and unheard when it comes to your wants and needs.

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Part of me wonders if I am even entitled to any of this grief, that maybe I deserve this for being an adulterer. Follow it on Facebook and Twitter. Well, I madried feel like camp or effeminate so I couldn't be gay, could I? He says: "I still love her, I'm very close to her, in fact we describe each other as best friends - which may sound odd, but when we've got children together…" Some remain married because of the expectations of friends and family, or because they have children and don't want to break up a family.

Can You Be Friends With An Ex Once You’re Married?

Andy, 56, a student, adds: "At times you think you're going through a phase and as you've once or twice heard people say, 'You find the right woman and she'll turn you and you'll be a real man. On the surface he was a happily married man, but he sec also using gay pornography.

Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Now society is more tolerant, they are more comfortable with coming out as gay. You still have connection with your children and you don't have to be cut off, out in the cold. About sharing image copyrightThinkstock Decades ago when gay people faced ostracism and the threat of prosecution in the UK and other Western nations, many chose to marry and disguise their sexuality.

Nick isn't his real name - many of the couple's friends and family don't know he's gay and he wants to remain anonymous to protect his wife. And all of this angst and sadness is being experienced in secret.

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